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Christmas Present Tips for Guys

Christmas Shopping Tips for Guys

giftgreen1Most of us guys are useless at Christmas shopping. Here's a few tips I've picked up over the years.

Ladies, you might want to share this with the men in your family to avoid getting an undesirable and badly wrapped present this Christmas.

  1. Buying your Christmas presents at a petrol station or dairy on Christmas morning really isn't the done thing - apparently not everyone wants a funnel, box of biscuits or a car care kit. Don't do it.
  2. Get started early, no not on Christmas Eve, yesterday was already too late.
  3. First thing in the morning is the best time to Christmas shop, and I mean first thing, teenagers are still in bed.
  4. It's not the thought that counts, it's how MUCH thought that counts.
  5. Cash is a GREAT present for teenagers - and me.
  6. If you must give gift vouchers make sure they are from a shop the recipient actually shops in and try and avoid those with an expiry date.
  7. Wrapping and cards are important, you and I know it's just paper but for some reason they are important.
  8. Before you start browsing in a shop check that it does gift wrapping and accept the service - wait if necessary. If the shop doesn't do gift wrapping move on to the next. Unless you are an expert present wrapper - Yeah Right!
  9. Even if every present you buy is gift wrapped, buy plenty of wrapping paper and sellotape. You are going to need it because dairy's and petrol stations don't gift wrap and being a bloke you'll probably ignore number 1.

Guys ignore the above at your peril and have a wonderful Christmas.

Posted in Just for Laughs.

A Must Read for Golfers

Dear Friends,
 
I have written a book and am quite proud of the results. In order to market the publication, I'm asking friends and family to spread the news about this essential read for golfers.
 
This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 51+ years of golfing experience (I was born when my Mother paused briefly during a round).
 
Hit the golf ballHighlights  include:
Chapter  1)  How to  Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter  2) How to Hit a Srixon ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3)  How to Get More Distance off the Shank
Chapter 4)  When to Give the Greenkeeper the Finger
Chapter 5)  Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 am.
Chapter 6)  How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 7)  How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 8)  How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee           
Chapter 9)   When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent and not forgetting...
Chapter 10) How to help your opponent find his ball when you are standing on it
 
The  book also includes some GOLF TERMINOLOGY
  • A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
  • A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
  • An  Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
  • An OJ Simpson - got away with it
  • A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
  • A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

(I'm afraid I don't know the original source so credit to anon)

Jokes

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